After authoring this blog for 3 months now, i began to find myself , dare I say, at a loss for words. That is to say that the stories were not coming as fast and furious as I had hoped.
As happens, inspiration finds itself in the most mysterious ways.
I was talking to my mom about potential ideas and she told me the the story which I will share next.
It is true that in the later part of life, our parents become our friends as opposed to just guiders. Our equals as opposed to superiors. However; I rapidly realized this dynamic needs room to bend when one of my moms stories had to do with "naked"!
YIKES MOM!
That's when inspiration struck. Some stories you just need to hear from other people.
So I sent an email out to 5 of Dads closest friends and Ray was the first to respond.
Funny thing is, without provocation, he told the same story as mom, but it was just a little easier to listen too.
Ray and I talked for a while and more stories started to surface. I am now half tank full instead of empty, and ready to receive more. And this on the day that we celebrate fathers! Happy Fathers Day Dad-without further ado, I bring you "Blinding Silence" as recounted by Ray Ferreira.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Blinding Silence by Ray Ferreira
You know your dad had a way of telling stories and jokes but sometimes it's what he didn't say that could shock you and make you laugh.
Like the time I met your parents and their friends in Angels Camp for the frog jumps. I rode my motorcycle and they drove.
Your parents were still newly weds at the time. After an enjoyable weekend they left before me and returned to their apartment in Castro Valley.
I notice that I had left my hair brush in your parents car and decided to stop by their apartment on the way home to get it.
It was in the middle of the afternoon and I saw their car in their parking space so I knew they were home. I approached the door, knocked and waited. I knocked again a little louder for I thought they didn't hear. I could hear someone coming to the door. Along side the door was a long rectangular window with a curtain.
Your dad didn't open the door instead moved the curtain slowly so I could see just his face. I said, "Sam, I left my hair brush in your car. Can I get it?".
Without saying a word he moved the curtain completely to one side and exposed his naked body and just stood there showing me his erection.
Normally in a situation like that, one would say Ray we are indisposed could you come by later? No, not your dad.
I said, "Sorry Sam I will come back later". I guess either way the results would be the same .
Like the time I met your parents and their friends in Angels Camp for the frog jumps. I rode my motorcycle and they drove.
Your parents were still newly weds at the time. After an enjoyable weekend they left before me and returned to their apartment in Castro Valley.
I notice that I had left my hair brush in your parents car and decided to stop by their apartment on the way home to get it.
It was in the middle of the afternoon and I saw their car in their parking space so I knew they were home. I approached the door, knocked and waited. I knocked again a little louder for I thought they didn't hear. I could hear someone coming to the door. Along side the door was a long rectangular window with a curtain.
Your dad didn't open the door instead moved the curtain slowly so I could see just his face. I said, "Sam, I left my hair brush in your car. Can I get it?".
Without saying a word he moved the curtain completely to one side and exposed his naked body and just stood there showing me his erection.
Normally in a situation like that, one would say Ray we are indisposed could you come by later? No, not your dad.
I said, "Sorry Sam I will come back later". I guess either way the results would be the same .
Thursday, June 18, 2009
A Reptilian Thirst
For some reason where most of us would intuitively go to great lengths to hide some stories from our past, my father relished in the re-telling of stories that did defamation to his character and judgement. Better himself than others he would regale, and this is just one of those stories.
The weekend furlough seeped its way to the base at which my father was stationed in Louisiana. A full 48 hours off.
Promptly a houseboat was reserved and the festivities got under way deep bayou country.
Being the worldly men that they were, the gentlemen on board decided to try their hand at the local sport of frogging. Unsuspecting (I'm sure), much alcohol was consumed for the event that takes place late in the darkest hours of the back country.
Not really sure how they did, or even if they caught any, the inebriated crew was forced into the decision of going to bed-we also call it passing out.
Late in the night, a disoriented father awakens with what feels like a wool factory in full operation going on in his mouth. He needs water, and fast. But where was he? Slowly it starts to come back to him. A boat, oh yes a houseboat, in Louisiana, oh yes, furlough. And the water is...on the deck, oh yes in the cooler.
He stumbles past the cast bodies of his comrades and finds the cooler where much of the ice had melted. Lifts the lid and dunks his cup to full from the icy runoff. Brilliant. A thirst is quenched and off to bed a happy man goes minus the sweater in his mouth, but not before a re-fill to take back to bed.
In the morning he awakens to a half full glass bedside of the brightest red water one have ever seen, and again he begins to piece together the night.
He remembers that he and the boys actually did very well for their first time frogging, and after gutting them tossed them all haphazardly into the cooler on the deck.
OH SHIT!
He rips the lid open and confirms his fear. The Ice runoff that so recently provided much quenching was tainted with froggy guts and blood-no fresh water in site.
And to my dad, who could have swept that story under the rug and never mentioned it again, just couldn't wait to tell and re-tell that story for 25 years to come.
Why?
The weekend furlough seeped its way to the base at which my father was stationed in Louisiana. A full 48 hours off.
Promptly a houseboat was reserved and the festivities got under way deep bayou country.
Being the worldly men that they were, the gentlemen on board decided to try their hand at the local sport of frogging. Unsuspecting (I'm sure), much alcohol was consumed for the event that takes place late in the darkest hours of the back country.
Not really sure how they did, or even if they caught any, the inebriated crew was forced into the decision of going to bed-we also call it passing out.
Late in the night, a disoriented father awakens with what feels like a wool factory in full operation going on in his mouth. He needs water, and fast. But where was he? Slowly it starts to come back to him. A boat, oh yes a houseboat, in Louisiana, oh yes, furlough. And the water is...on the deck, oh yes in the cooler.
He stumbles past the cast bodies of his comrades and finds the cooler where much of the ice had melted. Lifts the lid and dunks his cup to full from the icy runoff. Brilliant. A thirst is quenched and off to bed a happy man goes minus the sweater in his mouth, but not before a re-fill to take back to bed.
In the morning he awakens to a half full glass bedside of the brightest red water one have ever seen, and again he begins to piece together the night.
He remembers that he and the boys actually did very well for their first time frogging, and after gutting them tossed them all haphazardly into the cooler on the deck.
OH SHIT!
He rips the lid open and confirms his fear. The Ice runoff that so recently provided much quenching was tainted with froggy guts and blood-no fresh water in site.
And to my dad, who could have swept that story under the rug and never mentioned it again, just couldn't wait to tell and re-tell that story for 25 years to come.
Why?
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
City Folk and Country Squires
This was one of my fathers favorite jokes to tell, and if you ever had a few minutes to lend, you would sit quietly and relish for the 7th, 8th, and 9th time.
A man decides he has had enough of the city life so he buys a piece of land way out in the middle of nowhere where he can relax and find peace.
Late one afternoon in the distance he sees a pick up truck rapidly approaching from miles in the distance.
A man steps out and introduces himself as his "next door neighbor" for the left by about 12 miles. He proceeds to say that he is throwing a party the following weekend and would be much obliged if the stranger would come by for a spell.
"I would love to, thanks." says the city transplant.
The neighbor turns on his heel and heads back to the truck, then abruptly stops and turns.
"Say mister, I gotta warn you. There's gonna be some drinkin and cursin at this party".
"No problem. I'm from the city, I can drink and curse with the best of them". replies our city slicker.
"Good then, see ya Saturday". Heads back and then stops again. "Hey mister, I gotta warn ya, there is probably gonna be some fightin at this party."
"Are you kidding me", says our excited city boy. "I'm from the city, fightin is a way of life. Don'tcha worry about a thing, I can handle my own".
"GREAT! See ya Saturday" Turns to leave and stops again. "O'Boy mister, I gotta warn ya, there is definatley gonna be some fuckin at this party".
"WOW, this party is going to be great. I'm from the city and fuckin is what we do", the over energized man retorts. "But hey mister, what should I wear to your party on Saturday?"
"Don't matter-it's just gonna be us".
Gets Me Every Time!
A man decides he has had enough of the city life so he buys a piece of land way out in the middle of nowhere where he can relax and find peace.
Late one afternoon in the distance he sees a pick up truck rapidly approaching from miles in the distance.
A man steps out and introduces himself as his "next door neighbor" for the left by about 12 miles. He proceeds to say that he is throwing a party the following weekend and would be much obliged if the stranger would come by for a spell.
"I would love to, thanks." says the city transplant.
The neighbor turns on his heel and heads back to the truck, then abruptly stops and turns.
"Say mister, I gotta warn you. There's gonna be some drinkin and cursin at this party".
"No problem. I'm from the city, I can drink and curse with the best of them". replies our city slicker.
"Good then, see ya Saturday". Heads back and then stops again. "Hey mister, I gotta warn ya, there is probably gonna be some fightin at this party."
"Are you kidding me", says our excited city boy. "I'm from the city, fightin is a way of life. Don'tcha worry about a thing, I can handle my own".
"GREAT! See ya Saturday" Turns to leave and stops again. "O'Boy mister, I gotta warn ya, there is definatley gonna be some fuckin at this party".
"WOW, this party is going to be great. I'm from the city and fuckin is what we do", the over energized man retorts. "But hey mister, what should I wear to your party on Saturday?"
"Don't matter-it's just gonna be us".
Gets Me Every Time!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
And The Usual For You Sir?
Ray and my father had been best friends since childhood. Now in the budding infancy of adulthood and careers Ray and my father were living together and starting to carve their niche. Ray worked at Oakland Airport in baggage and my father was putting his newly acquired real estate license to work with Red Carpet.
My dad came in the apartment one evening after work, very nervous about the prospect of having to fly the following week with the Vice President of his company to a convention somewhere out of state.
"Are you flying out of Oakland?" Ray inquired.
"Yeah, I have all the information right here." dad retorted.
"Man, Ill take care of everything, don't worry". And with that my dad didn't worry, he knew Ray would come through.
On the day of the flight, my father and the accompanying VP pulled up curbside to red carpet treatment (pardon the pun).
"Right this way Mr. Tullis. and " Nice to see you again Mr. Tullis, we are going to pre-board you and your guest this morning." From baggage handlers, to ticket personnel, to stewards, my dad was made out to be a king amongst men, and dad just went with the flow. (slightly fluffing up a little I'm sure).
As his boss and him settled in their seats, the pretty stewardess approached and set napkins if front of the gentlemen.
"What can I bring for you to drink this morning sir?" she asked the VP.
"A screwdriver please."
"And the usual for you Mr. Tullis?"
"Of course, that will be fine". My father confidently replied-he was on top of the world!
Moments later the attractive woman returned and set the screwdriver in front of the boss, and proceeded to hand my father a coloring book and packet of crayons.
"Enjoy the flight gentlemen, and very good to see you again Mr. Tullis."
Out the window, and right on cue, was Ray with an ear-to-ear grin waving enthusiastically at my dads window seat.
My dad came in the apartment one evening after work, very nervous about the prospect of having to fly the following week with the Vice President of his company to a convention somewhere out of state.
"Are you flying out of Oakland?" Ray inquired.
"Yeah, I have all the information right here." dad retorted.
"Man, Ill take care of everything, don't worry". And with that my dad didn't worry, he knew Ray would come through.
On the day of the flight, my father and the accompanying VP pulled up curbside to red carpet treatment (pardon the pun).
"Right this way Mr. Tullis. and " Nice to see you again Mr. Tullis, we are going to pre-board you and your guest this morning." From baggage handlers, to ticket personnel, to stewards, my dad was made out to be a king amongst men, and dad just went with the flow. (slightly fluffing up a little I'm sure).
As his boss and him settled in their seats, the pretty stewardess approached and set napkins if front of the gentlemen.
"What can I bring for you to drink this morning sir?" she asked the VP.
"A screwdriver please."
"And the usual for you Mr. Tullis?"
"Of course, that will be fine". My father confidently replied-he was on top of the world!
Moments later the attractive woman returned and set the screwdriver in front of the boss, and proceeded to hand my father a coloring book and packet of crayons.
"Enjoy the flight gentlemen, and very good to see you again Mr. Tullis."
Out the window, and right on cue, was Ray with an ear-to-ear grin waving enthusiastically at my dads window seat.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Chimps on Penguins
This post is so delightfully Sam Tullis, that it is not just saved in our computer, but a part of the desktop for easy access. This was forwarded to him by one of his email buddies and I believe that in a moment of clarity and neccesity, he channeled the computer know-how to get it on the desktop. This represents the only time I didn't help him do something as simple as copy and paste.
My thanks to Carrie for the reminder and suggestion that no matter what curve balls life may throw, this bit of Schick could make a beefeater smile!
Freudian Slip
So much of my fathers story telling was honed and present in his ability to tell a joke. The fact of the matter is that he could not only deliver a punchline, but he could tell a 15 minute joke and leave the listener riveted for the outcome, even if the recipient had heard the tale 20 times before (which was often the case). To be able to keep a repetitive joke fresh and exciting takes a special something not every person possesses.
This is one of my all time favorites:
A man walks into his office one day only to find his co-worker pouring a cup of morning coffee and talking about how he had the worst Freudian slip the other day.
"Freudian slip? Whats that?" the man asks.
"You know, when you mean to say one thing and you accidentally say something else. Like the other day I needed to fly to Pittsburgh. So I go to the ticket counter and the girl behind the desk has the most enormous breasts I've ever seen. I meant to say, I need 2 tickets to Pittsburgh, but instead I fumble, I need 2 pickets to tits burgh."
"OH!" says the man, "I had one of those Freudian slips the other day as well. I was sitting across the breakfast table from my wife, and I meant to say, Honey-please pass the salt, and out pops....You fucking bitch, you ruined my life!"
Thanks Dad, that one is timeless!
This is one of my all time favorites:
A man walks into his office one day only to find his co-worker pouring a cup of morning coffee and talking about how he had the worst Freudian slip the other day.
"Freudian slip? Whats that?" the man asks.
"You know, when you mean to say one thing and you accidentally say something else. Like the other day I needed to fly to Pittsburgh. So I go to the ticket counter and the girl behind the desk has the most enormous breasts I've ever seen. I meant to say, I need 2 tickets to Pittsburgh, but instead I fumble, I need 2 pickets to tits burgh."
"OH!" says the man, "I had one of those Freudian slips the other day as well. I was sitting across the breakfast table from my wife, and I meant to say, Honey-please pass the salt, and out pops....You fucking bitch, you ruined my life!"
Thanks Dad, that one is timeless!
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